The Ups and Downs

Indecision in my life.

Don't quite know what to do about some things; other things are as clear as day.

Sometimes I feel really geeky and it makes me embarrassed.

I make peanutbutter sandwiches and eat them while playing videogames.

I'm less likely introduce myself as a videogamer to people now.

I asked Tyler what kind of person he would rather be friends with: a "pussy" or a "douche".

He said "douche".

I don't know.

I need to find a way to restart and take control.

Tricycles and Kittens

Starting to get headaches again.

Don't know if it's the shots I've gotten, pollen, or my eyes.

I don't know if I'm irresponsible or just laid back.

I would be assertive if I had something to work for.

Like you.

I drew a picture of myself smiling and I sometimes stare at it.

Muscles

A lot going on now.

I decided to enjoy my saturday by doing yard work.

Usually I would avoid that at all costs, but it was nice out, so I decided to work with my hands I guess.

I don't know where I fit in anymore.

I feel like I'm floating around, but I don't mind it.

A french Canadian told me to travel the world last night.

He explained to me how wonderful it was for him, and that I should do it.

I think I might.

I'm falling away from society as a whole.

I think that might be a good solution for me.

A Continuation of Sorts

I wrote some rhymes about someone in my head right before I fell asleep.
They were so nice I decided to write them down in my moleskin.
(I haven't written in my moleskin in quite awhile)


I was going to post said rhymes, but they're pretty embarrassing.
They're not like, acoustic style rhymes, they're kinda in the style of rap, but I have a hard time talking normally as it is, so I would never be able to rap them coherently.




Maybe I'll post them later, I have to gain confidence before I do.

The Music

Rap and I have an awkward relationship.

It's hard for us to balance our lives with each other's.

Sometimes what I want in rap isn't what I get.

And it hurts.

Most popular rappers now-a-day pull in suburban kids with lyrics that are silly and contrived.

I don't like a whole lot of that.

G-Clef is one my favorite rappers.

Mainly because his lyrics are real and subtle.

I wish Goin' to the Desert was on youtube, or any kind of online hosting source so I could possibly share what kind of rap I like to the world.

On the other side of the musical spectrum, I've been listening to my vinyl records of Bach, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky.

Most of my Bach records are warped, so I can only listen to 2 of them.

At least the Brandenburg Concerto is on one of the two.

Solar Shield

I wear sunglasses 80% of the day.

80% of the time that I'm awake.

Of course.

My sunglasses are huge. Not joke-style huge. 

Just large.

They've been called many things, 'grandma glasses', 'cataract glasses', 'stunna shades', etc.

Well I don't do xtc, I don't have glossy failing eyes, and I don't know the pleasures of having grandchildren.

I wear them for the sense of dominance they give me.

Social dominance.

In all reality, I'm a harbored and quiet guy.

However, if I'm in an environment that I feel comfortable, in control of, I talk, joke, sing, all the time. 

Well my sunglasses broke yesterday.

I can already tell I'm compensating for their loss.

Saying silly things or flinching. 

Maybe this entire entry is a silly thing.

Flans

School is better.

But I don't care too much about it.

I'm tired a lot. I feel like shutting off for a day or so, but I feel I've gotten too tied up with.

Well, friends.

It's weird being confident that I have friends.

I haven't been this way since I was a small child.

Maybe I'm still lying to myself.