convergence

okay okay okay

i can do this

i can be a person for once

i can do all of those things like

work and party and write and love

and talk and think and live and

but i am not doing my laundry.

2010 is a weird year.

i graduated this year

from highschool,

and i went to college

in washington dc,

but a lot of other more important things happened.

miley cyrus smoked salvia

wikileaks are a big deal

leslie nielsen died

hey arnold became retro

some prince got married

4lokos are starting to be banned

i wish these things didn't happen.

so i wouldn't have to change or grow older

i think i get it.

i laid down on my bed today

i tried to remember or picture every single memory

of every single year

month

day

moment

of my life.

I attempted to do this for hours

I thought i had remembered everything

but WAIT:

there was always a missing memory

oh theres a story!

how did i forget that!

remember that one time!

in the end it was impossible to capture it all.

i have only been alive for 19 years.

and my past is infinite.

i find comfort in this.

3

i almost lost two people close to me.

both suicidal.

i didn't know how to react.

i tried to help them. and my trying was enough it seems.

they are still here today.

a burden i don't know if i can carry.

2

my counselor teddy was going to join the army.

they were doing a routine test with bulletproof vests.

he was a sniper.

the test took place in a close combat situation, one they were not prepared for as snipers.

one of his friends was shot.

this is okay because the vest protects the first shot.

but not the second.

teddy quit the army because he lost a friend.

i lost a friend in school a few years later.

i quit school then too.

A Series

at summer camp

a girl savannah had a crush on me.

she asked me to go swimming with her

I told her i had just eaten a choco taco so my stomach was upset.

she was sad, but she went to swim on her own.

the real reason why I didn't go was because i was embarrassed about my weight.

also I had a crush on the girl from archery class.

she was short and had straight brown hair.

I made eye contact with her every day without saying a word.

I guess cupid is to blame.

Positif

what is worse

getting noticed or wanting to be noticed.

i think they're both bad.

what if someone notices you because your mouth is too big

or because your eyes are lifeless like mine.

that would be unfortunate.

awkward does not describe

what i am. i am not some movie

michael cera nerd i am my own person