A Continuation of Sorts

I wrote some rhymes about someone in my head right before I fell asleep.
They were so nice I decided to write them down in my moleskin.
(I haven't written in my moleskin in quite awhile)


I was going to post said rhymes, but they're pretty embarrassing.
They're not like, acoustic style rhymes, they're kinda in the style of rap, but I have a hard time talking normally as it is, so I would never be able to rap them coherently.




Maybe I'll post them later, I have to gain confidence before I do.

The Music

Rap and I have an awkward relationship.

It's hard for us to balance our lives with each other's.

Sometimes what I want in rap isn't what I get.

And it hurts.

Most popular rappers now-a-day pull in suburban kids with lyrics that are silly and contrived.

I don't like a whole lot of that.

G-Clef is one my favorite rappers.

Mainly because his lyrics are real and subtle.

I wish Goin' to the Desert was on youtube, or any kind of online hosting source so I could possibly share what kind of rap I like to the world.

On the other side of the musical spectrum, I've been listening to my vinyl records of Bach, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky.

Most of my Bach records are warped, so I can only listen to 2 of them.

At least the Brandenburg Concerto is on one of the two.

Solar Shield

I wear sunglasses 80% of the day.

80% of the time that I'm awake.

Of course.

My sunglasses are huge. Not joke-style huge. 

Just large.

They've been called many things, 'grandma glasses', 'cataract glasses', 'stunna shades', etc.

Well I don't do xtc, I don't have glossy failing eyes, and I don't know the pleasures of having grandchildren.

I wear them for the sense of dominance they give me.

Social dominance.

In all reality, I'm a harbored and quiet guy.

However, if I'm in an environment that I feel comfortable, in control of, I talk, joke, sing, all the time. 

Well my sunglasses broke yesterday.

I can already tell I'm compensating for their loss.

Saying silly things or flinching. 

Maybe this entire entry is a silly thing.

Flans

School is better.

But I don't care too much about it.

I'm tired a lot. I feel like shutting off for a day or so, but I feel I've gotten too tied up with.

Well, friends.

It's weird being confident that I have friends.

I haven't been this way since I was a small child.

Maybe I'm still lying to myself.

The State of Things

My toothpicks are running thin.
My bicycle tires are flattening.
My iPod screen scratches are increasing.


I can't really remember the last time I've been consistently "okay" for an entire day.
Though these past weeks have been getting better.
I've focused more on self-improvement than on trying to understand things.
By doing this I've started to understand myself, inadvertently.
Things are making sense.

Aw Dude.

Yesterday was an adventure.

That's a pretty lame and easy way to say it, but it was a long ass night.

Banhs to start off the day-

No I'm not going to write down my entire saturday.

I just felt important because I hanged out with hoodrats and they let me be the guy who holds the weed till it was needed.

In a somewhat unrelated topic.

I wish people didn't lie to me.

Or at least admit they did afterward.

It would just be nice.

I didn't feel well yesterday, and today just feels weird.

I wonder how cool I would be if I wasn't lazy.

I'm okay.

My prayers have been answered and now I am mostly unaffected by any emotional event.

My mother admitted her drug problem to me in my sister's room.

My sister got in a skiing accident, breaking 3 vertebrae and a few ribs.

My father is driving himself crazy.

I didn't feel much from any of these things.

I wouldn't think that I would regret my wish to be a rock lobster, but I do.

I couldn't deal with emotion during that time.

I can't imagine my current situation when people ask me how I am.