I just want to tell you how I'm feeling.

Party

2011-11-19T14:45:00.000-08:00

Why am I here and who are these people do I really care what is my goal in life what am i drinking when can I leave

Totally bro. We should hang out.

darkness

2011-11-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

Strangers interact in the straaaaangest ways.

I Don't Know Who You Are So You Don't Exist!

What if life was that easy?

flylo

2011-10-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

where will i go

i can't trust myself to think straight

there is too many thoughts and feelings.

maybe if i sober up.

and just fly

ill land some place

some place that doesnt make my head feel like a box or my arms feel like numb snakes

and my feet are no longer cold.

crapa

2011-10-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

I can only have 1 of u in my life.

sorry.

I don't feel sorry for you.

I don't feel sorry for myself.

I feel sorry for the time we had.

goodnight

2011-07-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

my online dating site said i was hot in a recent email and informed me id be matched up with more other "attractive" users.

I looked at my new matches and the people were still pretty dreary, but then I looked at my passive aggressive asshole profile dick page and gave all the nice women FIVE STARS and logged off my email and went to bed for exactly eight hours.

MAYO

2011-07-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

does this count as a journal? am I wrong about who I am?

am I really doug?

I always thought of myself as max, from the goofy movie.

I could...

im trying to write something now i guess its a poem

and i just opened a new text edit file

(because i don't have any word processor,

i was too lazy to download if after my computer got fixed)

well i opened this new file to complain to myself about

trying to fix this one word thats not really important

...WOW the entire school with my geeky and lovable antics,

all while being bogged down by my loving and dorky father.

I opened another text edit because i think its dumb

that i opened the 2nd one in the first place.

I guess im actually working on it *writing* for once,

so its better than nothing.

we go on trips together, fishing and to concerts.

and we learn something in the end and i get a girl.

but im just doug with a journal.

If being doug is a bad thing, than i really am spoiled.

three years ago today

2011-04-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

my heads falling apart.

i guess thats a normal part of life.

and today just happens to be my day.

the zoo story

2011-04-05T05:27:00.001-07:00

If i asked you if youve ever read who's afraid of virginia woolf? would i put another question mark at the end?

or maybe it would just seem like im trying to bother you with the question.

WELL HAVE YOU??

I've never asked anyone this question and I dont think i ever will because i do not care.

i've never read the play myself and I dont plan on it.

i just thought i should ask.

adding machine

2011-03-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

when i work i add up numbers.

i'll do it all day

just for that dollar.

2 plus negative 2 equals

zero.

i'll go now.

sleep will rest me.

when i sleep i add up sheep.

yay!

2011-03-30T22:15:00.001-07:00

if you could be any animal, what would you be??

i would be a dog.

man is dog's best friend and it'd be a lot easier for me to avoid chocolate and other sweets.

blood

2011-03-06T00:04:00.000-08:00

i guessed wrong

and its my fault

there isn't any winning

and there isn't any result.

warlocks aren't the idea

its the rocks that matter

i guess we all just have to

ketchup.

red cherries

2011-03-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

for what is weed for?

but nothing.

nothing comes from it but things can

be imagined with it.

your ideas and imaginations will lead you to the easy path

and nothing will really make sense.

i guess moderations isn't in your

vocabulary.

oh i see you now

2011-03-05T23:56:00.000-08:00

i guess im the scape goat.

no worries i'll be here

emotions on tap include:

sadness

hopelessness

drunk

and for a limited time only

romantic detachment

Americana

2011-02-24T23:27:00.001-08:00

mc escher painting tilted

brian wilson song out of tune

or a daniel day lewis film fuzzy.

these things don't really matter.

because no matter how unattractive

or unappealing

or hard to deal with

that they are

at a certain moment or time

or whatever.

they're still great.

they're still a part of me.

Nice Clothes

2011-02-07T16:06:00.000-08:00

Whats the cost of your pants?

Where'd you get that?

How do you like them?

He bought it all at the mall but won't tell anyone. That's not cool enough to brag. You have to buy clothes at flagship stores or get them for free at goodwills to be cool.

Sale's aren't cool.

Nick Soon

2011-02-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

Where have you been?

Don't like people, but you're still charming.

Quarter Chinese and that's fine

Opinionated and deep

Why don't you share?

Drugs and Alcohol are okay

in moderation

Moderation is Key.

But I won't stop you.

Banhs

2011-02-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Snowing when i enter, then the sun's in my eyes.

met you for lunch

But I hide in the corner.

We can share a veggie plate

But you didn't eat your food.

I walk out in the rain, what am I supposed to do?

take care

2011-02-05T00:09:00.001-08:00

two against one,

can you save yourself?

take a chance,

take a shot,

it's okay.

everything is alright.

take care,

its all a walk in the park.

meet a cute boy and walk home.

worry about nothing,

but how you look.

convergence

2011-01-24T18:56:00.001-08:00

okay okay okay

i can do this

i can be a person for once

i can do all of those things like

work and party and write and love

and talk and think and live and

but i am not doing my laundry.

2010 is a weird year.

2010-12-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

i graduated this year

from highschool,

and i went to college

in washington dc,

but a lot of other more important things happened.

miley cyrus smoked salvia

wikileaks are a big deal

leslie nielsen died

hey arnold became retro

some prince got married

4lokos are starting to be banned

i wish these things didn't happen.

so i wouldn't have to change or grow older

i think i get it.

2010-12-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

i laid down on my bed today

i tried to remember or picture every single memory

of every single year

month

day

moment

of my life.

I attempted to do this for hours

I thought i had remembered everything

but WAIT:

there was always a missing memory

oh theres a story!

how did i forget that!

remember that one time!

in the end it was impossible to capture it all.

i have only been alive for 19 years.

and my past is infinite.

i find comfort in this.

3

2010-11-19T15:56:00.000-08:00

i almost lost two people close to me.

both suicidal.

i didn't know how to react.

i tried to help them. and my trying was enough it seems.

they are still here today.

a burden i don't know if i can carry.

2

2010-11-19T15:55:00.002-08:00

my counselor teddy was going to join the army.

they were doing a routine test with bulletproof vests.

he was a sniper.

the test took place in a close combat situation, one they were not prepared for as snipers.

one of his friends was shot.

this is okay because the vest protects the first shot.

but not the second.

teddy quit the army because he lost a friend.

i lost a friend in school a few years later.

i quit school then too.

A Series

2010-11-19T15:55:00.001-08:00

at summer camp

a girl savannah had a crush on me.

she asked me to go swimming with her

I told her i had just eaten a choco taco so my stomach was upset.

she was sad, but she went to swim on her own.

the real reason why I didn't go was because i was embarrassed about my weight.

also I had a crush on the girl from archery class.

she was short and had straight brown hair.

I made eye contact with her every day without saying a word.

I guess cupid is to blame.

Positif

2010-11-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

what is worse

getting noticed or wanting to be noticed.

i think they're both bad.

what if someone notices you because your mouth is too big

or because your eyes are lifeless like mine.

that would be unfortunate.

awkward does not describe

what i am. i am not some movie

michael cera nerd i am my own person

Used to Be

2010-10-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

im slowly forgetting everything.

when was today and how long ago was yesterday?

should i live completely in the present

or hold on to you?

what if i wrote a play about you.

could you forgive me then.

or would that make things worse.

i hope you talk to me again.

im too smart to be doing math.

i think i should be a poet.

but thats silly and asinine.

i cant be that confident!

The Man in Me

2010-07-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

guess im ready to start growing up.

in a weird, existential, out of body expierence today, i saw how different i am now then 10th grade me.

at first this was one of the most depressing moments of my life, but now i think that it was just a moment. and thats whats important.

and as i sit here each song brings more moments, connecting the sad, happy, and neutral memories of the past.

These Days

2010-05-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

haha its almost all over.

im not back there any more.

I'm not passing out in front of the TV during luke wilson's attempted suicide in The Royal Tenenbaums.

I'm watching it. And realizing that's where i am.

But I'm not in love with anyone and I never have been.

Except for maybe.

adventure time.

2010-04-10T21:21:00.001-07:00

I seem to return more and more to childhood.

free hair cuts in the kitchen.
trading pokemon for fun.
missing cartoon network episodes.
being cared for when you're hurt.
excited about the donuts there are.
and dreaming about what the future can be.

These thoughts won't last long. as we all fade.

Stress

2010-02-14T20:39:00.000-08:00

This is another poem i wrote at a party.

But this time i was outside and alone.

Why do you do this? The cold strikes you.

Feels like what you remember. A thought of yours will remain forever.

You do not deserve this. Make a change for truth and hope. I love you.

My Girls

2010-01-12T05:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem at a party while on the floor surrounded by attractive people.

Messes to be made.

Love to be found.

Pie to be eaten.

Hair products are acceptable.

Pyscho Killer

2010-01-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life fights you.
But I love you still.
The lost ways of mind control.
The deeds of man,
Simplicity is key with your emotions.

Father and Son

2010-01-05T19:58:00.001-08:00

Time really is winding down.

I keep saying "i want to get out of heeeerrrreeee" to most people i see.

But I know thats not true.

I don't think im more afraid than everyone else, or less.

I just dont want to regret more things.

And i dont want to look more like a fool to females.

I Get By

2009-11-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

reading a lot of books about nature.

thanks to magrinat.

Relearning to play the guitar as well.

Oh wait I'm still a loser.

My Doorbell

2009-11-16T18:24:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say I'm the least organized person ever.

ever think about if animals know about music?

I think 64 crayons is a little too much for one box.

I'll start making my own spring rolls soon.

Incubation

2009-11-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

wake up

drive

solve problems

act

film

fail

eat

math

make jokes

act

take a breath

act

drive

dream

eat

dream

shower

sleep

nightmare.

Push Up

2009-09-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be a big kid now.

Calming myself. taking myself away from everything.

i can only try to change my ways.

Often I get caught in patterns of thinking.

Life isn't letting that happen right now, and I'm thankful for it.

Mike Tyson is slowly becoming one of my heroes.

I wish i had the sort of.

acceptance.

of my failures as he does.

Ce jeu

2009-09-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

so things have taken off quite quickly.
school, job, parties, plays.

I can't help but take a step back and see if I'm dooming myself by my choices.
Like everything will crash.
just fall.

I don't know if I'm being cautious or paranoid.

Angels

2009-09-08T19:03:00.001-07:00

I start work at Elmos this saturday.

I guess im accomplishing something.

Starting to feel safe.

I'm in a groove. A slow shallow groove.

I like most things now.

But some things still are missing.

and I'm okay with that for now.

Jorge Regula

2009-08-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

My face hurts.

That and other things make me think I'm too sensitive.

I thought that was a good thing.

guess not.

I cleaned a lot today.

And went to an asian grocery store.

My life is extremely boring.

It's my responsibility to change that.

But I could use some help.

Or motivation. i know a person who lacked that.

ouch.

Humor

2009-08-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it...

matrimony

2009-08-26T05:04:00.000-07:00

senior year.

fresh start I guess.

That was a stupid summer.

thanks.

Disappointment more than sadness.

Frustration more than anger.

I guess I'll get a job.

eppur si muove!

2009-08-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

Life is mediocre currently

and yet it moves!

I would say my summer has been ironic!

but i don't have that the wit or understanding for such a statement

I want to be sweet and nice and loving!

but i haven't the opportunity

I would ask you to give me the chance!

but i haven't the courage

But I promise I can find it

don't give up on me!

Think About It

2009-07-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

A social psychologist spoke at governor's school some weeks ago.

He said a relationship doesn't begin without conflict.

And the relationship forms when that conflict is resolved.

All progression in relationships are because of conflict resolution

I hope this one fully resolves.

Our play at governor's school was all about time.

How it controls all and how we can't truly define what it is.

I wish I could change time now.

Mind Sex

2009-07-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

want to watch Ratatouille.

I'm tired.

I dont drink vanilla extract to get drunk like other kids do.

I like talking on the phone now.

At least to T-Paine.

I'm pretty happy.

Baby

2009-07-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

I lied.

I think I'm more insecure.

Or just worried.

I don't know why I feel this way.

Everything is better than normal.

I guess I'm a baby.

I'll grow up one of these days.

But it makes me a human.

I know I'll be fine.

That night

2009-07-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

I was trying to forget the past, and my heart was beating hard, as you said.
You said you didn't know what "beating hard" even meant.
I guess I wasn't controlling it.
And I couldn't.

Everything was simple.
I don't feel so insecure.
We never cried or shivered or laughed or thought.
We were just there for however long it was.

I could have looked in your eyes.
But you had yours set on my heart.
If this is our start, then I think I'll be fine.

The New Love Song

2009-06-25T14:37:00.000-07:00

I take too many naps.

Is it okay to feel brave and afraid at the same time?

I'm learning to move differently.
With my blood, or organs, or bones.
I landed on my neck yesterday during theatre. That hurt more than I thought.
I'll be okay.

When can we see each other?

Better Together

2009-06-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

The library closes at 5.
I am the last one here.

The counselors here think I'm wacky.
I know why.

These past days I've felt I should be at home.
For reasons not my own.
I hope I'm not putting too much on myself.
But I care.

Kitchen

2009-06-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

I go by Gucci here at GSE.
I think it's funny.

My room is pretty simple
I have 4 action figures and my ukulele.
My roommate has a pair of bongos.

I realized that no matter what, this summer I would've worried about a girl.
Either one here at GSE or one back at home.
T-Paine lets me not worry.
I'm happy.

Who Loves The Sun

2009-06-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am going to governor's school tomorrow.

My schedule is depressing compared to yours.

Last night was a good night.

For once I can't quite explain how I feel.

But I am happy.

I think I'll have fun.

But it'll be hard at times.

I have to stay optimistic.

Wave of Mutilation

2009-06-10T16:03:00.000-07:00

I've had a good week.

My sleep pattern has been terrible.

I got a cavity.

I'm disappointed in myself.

I'd never thought I'd see this all happening.

I might wear a flannel shirt, despite the heat.

The Trees

2009-06-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Last night, I mostly remember;

Fighting Broso.

Thinking it was christmas.

Reciting this.

Cursing.

Being sneaky.

Everyone thinks I'm a funny partier.

I can't help but agree.

Turn My Brain Off

2009-06-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was nice.

Weekly Banh's with Le Whif and T-Pain.

We sat in a field after, that was nice, with locopops.

I called my GSE roommate when I was with them.

It was funny and they were laughing and he was cool.

I was with Nick and Chas afterwards, we did our usual stream of events.

Watched the Juggernaut video, played videogames, and held each other; what.

Kind of ready for summer, but at the same time I'm enjoying most things now.

This week has been stressful though.

I think I'm grinding my teeth more when I sleep.

Bella Notte

2009-06-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

My mind's scattered.

I don't know if I'm overwhelmed or just confused.

I feel like I'm missing a lot of opportunities.

I can't keep up.

I think I'm worrying about things that aren't even there.

But I would like them to be.

The Hustle

2009-05-31T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have bruise on my forehead.

It's from playing soccer, which I don't really play.

But I wanted to be with people on saturday so I did.

I don't have confidence, or maybe I don't know what it really is.

I'm ready for governor's school.

I'm ready for some-thing/one new.

I'm not ready for rejection.

Soulkid

2009-05-21T15:59:00.001-07:00

My mind has been wandering.

It's been a long week.

I went out to my backyard today because I was content.

I was listening to rap music, a nice song about broken hearts.

I saw a bird's nest on the ground, then I saw the broken robin eggs.

I don't think I have to explain the sadness I felt.

Ooh La La

2009-05-18T14:12:00.001-07:00

Today wasn't typical.

I was energized in the morning, and, for lack of a better word, depressed at the end.

I thought I was content socially, but I had a little scene with two of my friends today.

It was about something stupid and was entirely my fault.

I don't know any more.

Today at lunch I was talking to Jillian, and I finally realized I too wanted to leave Durham and travel.

I never understood why she felt the need too, but now it's as if I've always had the dream of leaving.

I don't think it's because of school ending. I think I'm finally done with everything.

Back on the first subject of friends.

I don't understand girls or myself; this is not a good a combination.

Nothing

2009-05-15T05:16:00.001-07:00

MC Chris tonight.

I should probably stop listening to music and go to school.

I really don't care any more.

I'm going to be late.

I'll be fine.

edit:

I was late, about 20 minutes late.

I rode my bike to school at the normal pace, stopping every once and awhile to enjoy the path I ride on everyday.

It's quite green and I see rabbits and smell honey suckles.

My absence was excused by the lady at the office.

I didn't have to tell her anything, she knew.

Round Two

2009-05-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

Broke my glasses yesterday.

I'm wearing these old ones of my dad's for the moment.

They're large and almost circular.

I'm not used to it, but I'm supposed to get new ones soon.

I don't want Buddy Holly glasses, that's a little too hipster for me.

Terrible test today.

I was late, got lost, then did not do well from what I can tell.

Music Theory.

I'm thinking of submitting a misadministration form to the collegeboard.

That'll teach em.

Old friends are coming back into town.

I'm excited, but kind of worried.

It's for a reason I can't explain, I'm just unsure of who my friends are.

I want to hang out with people whom I never have before.

But I'd be awkward and weird if I asked them, even though it's innocent.

Sunday

2009-05-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

I have cliche workout clothes on now.

Tube socks, short shorts, a small white t-shirt and adidas.

I was practicing basketball in my backyard.

I don't have an official hoop, but I make do with a bucket.

About halfway I decided to pretend fight with my walking stick.

Some day I'll be a Battle Mage.

I need to find a LARPing club.

I need a new hobby.

A guy came up to my front door asking if I wanted him to cut my lawn, I was embarrassed from my attire, but he was nice, and I was nice.

Today was nice in a weird way.

Bicycle

2009-04-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to fixing my bike.

I'm not as out of shape as I thought.

I've put on weight which is good, I was a skinny galee this time last year.

I've made a vow to become a Street Fighter.

I'm starting to enjoy people's company more and more.

I finally feel normally awkward.

I'll try and keep it that way.

The Ups and Downs

2009-04-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

Indecision in my life.

Don't quite know what to do about some things; other things are as clear as day.

Sometimes I feel really geeky and it makes me embarrassed.

I make peanutbutter sandwiches and eat them while playing videogames.

I'm less likely introduce myself as a videogamer to people now.

I asked Tyler what kind of person he would rather be friends with: a "pussy" or a "douche".

He said "douche".

I don't know.

I need to find a way to restart and take control.

Tricycles and Kittens

2009-04-10T20:25:00.000-07:00

Starting to get headaches again.

Don't know if it's the shots I've gotten, pollen, or my eyes.

I don't know if I'm irresponsible or just laid back.

I would be assertive if I had something to work for.

Like you.

I drew a picture of myself smiling and I sometimes stare at it.

Muscles

2009-04-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

A lot going on now.

I decided to enjoy my saturday by doing yard work.

Usually I would avoid that at all costs, but it was nice out, so I decided to work with my hands I guess.

I don't know where I fit in anymore.

I feel like I'm floating around, but I don't mind it.

A french Canadian told me to travel the world last night.

He explained to me how wonderful it was for him, and that I should do it.

I think I might.

I'm falling away from society as a whole.

I think that might be a good solution for me.

A Continuation of Sorts

2009-03-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

I wrote some rhymes about someone in my head right before I fell asleep.
They were so nice I decided to write them down in my moleskin.
(I haven't written in my moleskin in quite awhile)

I was going to post said rhymes, but they're pretty embarrassing.
They're not like, acoustic style rhymes, they're kinda in the style of rap, but I have a hard time talking normally as it is, so I would never be able to rap them coherently.

Maybe I'll post them later, I have to gain confidence before I do.

The Music

2009-03-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Rap and I have an awkward relationship.

It's hard for us to balance our lives with each other's.

Sometimes what I want in rap isn't what I get.

And it hurts.

Most popular rappers now-a-day pull in suburban kids with lyrics that are silly and contrived.

I don't like a whole lot of that.

G-Clef is one my favorite rappers.

Mainly because his lyrics are real and subtle.

I wish Goin' to the Desert was on youtube, or any kind of online hosting source so I could possibly share what kind of rap I like to the world.

On the other side of the musical spectrum, I've been listening to my vinyl records of Bach, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky.

Most of my Bach records are warped, so I can only listen to 2 of them.

At least the Brandenburg Concerto is on one of the two.

Solar Shield

2009-03-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

I wear sunglasses 80% of the day.

80% of the time that I'm awake.

Of course.

My sunglasses are huge. Not joke-style huge.

Just large.

They've been called many things, 'grandma glasses', 'cataract glasses', 'stunna shades', etc.

Well I don't do xtc, I don't have glossy failing eyes, and I don't know the pleasures of having grandchildren.

I wear them for the sense of dominance they give me.

Social dominance.

In all reality, I'm a harbored and quiet guy.

However, if I'm in an environment that I feel comfortable, in control of, I talk, joke, sing, all the time.

Well my sunglasses broke yesterday.

I can already tell I'm compensating for their loss.

Saying silly things or flinching.

Maybe this entire entry is a silly thing.

Flans

2009-03-03T19:58:00.001-08:00

School is better.

But I don't care too much about it.

I'm tired a lot. I feel like shutting off for a day or so, but I feel I've gotten too tied up with.

Well, friends.

It's weird being confident that I have friends.

I haven't been this way since I was a small child.

Maybe I'm still lying to myself.

The State of Things

2009-01-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

My toothpicks are running thin.
My bicycle tires are flattening.
My iPod screen scratches are increasing.

I can't really remember the last time I've been consistently "okay" for an entire day.
Though these past weeks have been getting better.
I've focused more on self-improvement than on trying to understand things.
By doing this I've started to understand myself, inadvertently.
Things are making sense.

Aw Dude.

2009-01-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was an adventure.

That's a pretty lame and easy way to say it, but it was a long ass night.

Banhs to start off the day-

No I'm not going to write down my entire saturday.

I just felt important because I hanged out with hoodrats and they let me be the guy who holds the weed till it was needed.

In a somewhat unrelated topic.

I wish people didn't lie to me.

Or at least admit they did afterward.

It would just be nice.

I didn't feel well yesterday, and today just feels weird.

I wonder how cool I would be if I wasn't lazy.

I'm okay.

2009-01-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

My prayers have been answered and now I am mostly unaffected by any emotional event.

My mother admitted her drug problem to me in my sister's room.

My sister got in a skiing accident, breaking 3 vertebrae and a few ribs.

My father is driving himself crazy.

I didn't feel much from any of these things.

I wouldn't think that I would regret my wish to be a rock lobster, but I do.

I couldn't deal with emotion during that time.

I can't imagine my current situation when people ask me how I am.

Ventures

2008-12-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

I wish I was emotionless.

Like Hedgewin, a psychiatrist.

A character in a play that a student wrote.

He is robotic and wears a lab coat.

In the play, I played him as a rock

But after an hour and a half told on a clock,

I was vulnerable and I shun.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

I just hate this time of year, a fact I've already made clear.

It's that time of year.

2008-12-14T17:32:00.000-08:00

December is not a good month for me.

I was born in december, but that's not the reason.
It's because of my past as a teenager. All of the past hearts that I gave away.
(I typed teeanger at first, freudian slip I suppose)

You know how in movies or tv shows there's the one person in the relationship or the person being interviewed for a job say,
"I care too much"

I think that's how I am.
I want to let go.
I want to be an emotionless rock (lobster) like she is.

A Fortune Cookie gave me a back handed compliment

2008-11-15T16:53:00.001-08:00

I'm thinking of writing down all of the things I tell you in my head.

I assume half of them won't make sense.

But maybe some of them will be beautiful to you.

"You constantly struggle for self improvement"

Policia

2008-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

I saw a concert last night.

It was some radical liberal hip-hop band.

My dad likes to sway to that music.

I didn't because I was too busy wearing cowboy boots.

I went to the movie theatre last weekend.

I was waiting for the rest of my friends to get there.

A girl asked me if I was over 17, I said no. She wanted me to buy her a ticket for some R movie.

She walked up to another man after asking me.

He reached in his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and reveled a badge while saying the words,

"I don't think so."

My friend is writing a screenplay of a cop movie.

It'll be funny and satirical.

I buy the drugs.

2008-10-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

har har har.

You know how you can ruin your entire weekend by worrying about nothing?

I did that.

Now I'm not worrying about things I very well should be.

School and all.

I never thought of myself as apathetic, but I assume it just spills out some weeks.

And.

It's not my fault I can't sing a minor scale.

It's not fair.

hm

2008-10-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

My dad told me two songs to play at his funeral.

Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog.

and

Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks.

I heard them when I was sweeping my walkway today.

This is my 2nd post about me sweeping.

Like the 50's.

2008-09-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

I wish I could ask you to dance to a Julie London record.

But that won't happen. It would make me vulnerable.

I'm too soft.

Wouldn't that be funny, if when I was married, Julie London was be playing?

Seems realistic enough, since I'm thinking about it now.

Married.

I won a toy slot machine when I was young.

I got the 3 bars in a row.

That's the highest one can score.

Major Tom

2008-09-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

I don't think I could wear makeup.

Not because it's too weird for me.

I hate things being on my skin.

Like stickers.

Or you.

Spy sappin mah sentry

2008-08-26T19:18:00.001-07:00

Really though.

Homework sappin mah free time.

I'm glad everyone enjoyed my heist of the Chemistry homework.

I think I've gotten a lot dorkier.

I find myself saying things no one else understands.

Like this title.

But I'm glad of it, I think last year I was too normal when it came to my speech.

"how does soap work to eliminate dirt"

2008-08-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

School started.

This was my first homework assignment.

Abundant Bible

2008-08-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

Go to, http://nevergonnagiveyoup.blogpsot.com/

It's not my blog.

But it's someone else's I guess.

WoW

2008-08-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I could get rich.

I wish I could find a belt in real life and sell it for 65 gold pieces.

I wish that becoming someone's friend was just a /target away.

I wish I could stop playing this damn game.

Library

2008-08-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

I saw a 40 something man teaching another 40 something man to read.

I decided to check out an audio book.

I need more mana.

2008-08-15T13:42:00.001-07:00

Someone said I view my self as an artist now.

Fuck art.

There is no such thing as art.

If blogs are art then they are shit.

If paintings are art then they are shit as well.

If video games are art then they are shit.

The shit goes on.

Their shittyness doesn't mean they're intolerable or horrid, shit is just a nice word to use.

Mortality is also shit, but for completely different reasons.

It's a powerpoint

2008-08-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

On the radio, some author with the last name Gosling (not to be confused with the movie star or baby goose) said that writers who use "I" a large amount of the time in their writing are usually heavily depressed and possibly even suicidal.

My mom thought he was a smartie, so she told me to write down the name of his book.

Snoop I believe.

It sounds like I'm a viral marketing add.

But I'm not.

I drew a superhero.

And I was proud of him.

I've always hated everything I create.

Especially my drawings. And children.

I am complex and have a rewarding personality

2008-07-24T10:22:00.001-07:00

I just liked the title.

It reminds me of who I don't want to be.
I sound rude.
But I would rather doubt myself than be confident.

Hear me out though,

I'm creative.
I have good ideas.
I'm complex.

I bet this isn't as clever as I thought it was.

I Swept You Off My Front Porch

2008-07-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

I scooped up a transformer car in my gutters.

I threw it down on the porch below.

A week later I discarded it along with leaves.

I couldn't help thinking about you.

Hey Bear, oh leave me alone.

2008-06-30T18:54:00.001-07:00

I feel like a hypocrite.

Probably because I am one.

I say bipolar people are stupid.

But I'm pretty bipolar.

I don't think I'M extremely bipolar. Just more than some.

I was talking to my dad about capitalization when he was writing A message to some musician he likes on myspace.

I realized I only capitalize because when I was born,

On the Internet,

Capitalization was an important quality in order to be taken SERIOUSly.

I wonder if this BLOGGER community would think differently about that.

(space for you to be surprised by caps lock)

WHAT DO YOU THINK COMMUNITY?

PS! FIND THE HIDDEN MESSAGE FOR EXTRA POINTS!!!!(MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!)

barkley

2008-06-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

I keep the TV on longer than I should.

I close the front door faster than I should.

I buy twenty dollars worth of legos at 9:30 pm on a saturday night just for the fun it.

I promote my clone troopers to ranks such as, Cool Blue, Burning Yellow, or Red Hot.

I feel no remorse while beating my bestfriends in a videogame.

I enjoy kicking people off of the screen with the power of the Triforce.

I will buy two dollar milkshakes as I scream HICK HICK to fellow bystanders of Cook Out.

I graduate from highschool and let higher education round and cube my life.

Decision Making Process

2008-06-24T18:13:00.001-07:00

I decided to read outside.

It was after eight. I would call it twilight perhaps.

During the twilight I always expect something to happen.

Something otherworldly.

I expect a tree to open up and reveal a computer.

I expect a blue wizard to appear behind me.

He would whisper, it's time.

I heard what seemed to be a small child screaming like a bird.

Hopefully it was just for fun.

I would feel sad and hopeless if the child was in the process of transmogrifying into a bird.

I would feel jealous.

At first I was frightened and surprised.

I instead decided to enjoy the meaning of it, or lack there of.

I heard two bats in the sky and forgot what I had earlier decided.

2008-06-19T14:15:00.001-07:00

When I was little I took the valentine's I had received and put them down the air conditioning vent in my room.

I wish I could confidently say that was ironic.

But I have to wait a couple weeks before I am sure.

I now have sympathy for the french.

I now know how hard it is to live without air conditioning.

The sun's only hitting you dad.

2008-06-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

The first large blow out after my sister's return.

I think it's fitting that it happened on father's day.

I stopped trying to make peace between them.

If I did, they would be unhappy.

My sister has to hate someone.

And my dad has to complain about someone.

He told me not to try.

He told me not to try to do things for him on father's days or birthdays.

He promised to be alone on those days.

He's been alone for most days.

I'm alone right now.

Revised To Do List

2008-06-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

Learn to animate in flash.

Finish bed.

Make bed.

Make dictionary fit in drawer.

Go round mums.

Get liz back.

Sort out life.

2008-06-07T12:59:00.001-07:00

"I wish I could flip cars"

I'm quite sure the young man who said this was serious.

Technology

2008-05-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

In order to put a stop to my repetitive brain patterns which cause me to become depressed, angry, or lazy for no reason, I will have to first stop my repetitive actions with technology.

No more brawl.

No more constant checking of buddy lists or notifications.

No more writing for this blog.

This will probably be extremely hard for me.

But I have to start some where.

2008-05-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hey girl.

We're going to a movie.

That's how this is going down.

wilkins is subtle yet clever.

We think alike.

His victory dance is quite impressive as well.

To Do List

2008-04-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

Get groupies for band
Crash katherine vandis's wedding
Rick Roll graduation
Go on an adventure with nick
Make vegetarian chili
Write a poem, then eat it

I capitalize I because I am the most important thing.

2008-04-25T04:55:00.000-07:00

I'm eating cheese.

Just sitting on a couch eating cheese.

I wonder if I would be happier if I never knew you.

I used to be happily in denial.

I wonder if people actually do just underestimate me.

Or if I'm just trying to make an excuse for my own short comings.

nick kneed caitlin.

They should date.

Everyday, I judge the day on the last 5 minutes.

The last 5 minutes of yesterday I spent worrying that I shouldn't have left my curtains open.

It was the first time in forever.